Mormon Stocks on the Rise

Keep an eye on these products. Their success has caused their companies to consider going public:

Never-Fail Blazer B Straightjackets

24-Hour Caffeine Coke Intravenous Feeding Tubes

Chocolate Candy Bar Patches

Parents-Of-Teenagers-Don’t-Want-To-Survive-al Kits

General Conf./Lake Powell Vacation Packages

Already-Filled-To-Overwhelming Daytimers

Catalogue of Scout Cheers Everyone Will Be Proud Of

The Relief Society’s One and Only True Casserole Cook Book

High Councilman Smelling Salts

Disposable Library Supplies

Chalk and Eraser Key Chains

Ward Basketball Boomerang Folding Chairs

Sacrament-Meeting-Look-Wide-Awake-Eyelid-Covers

End Of The Month Home/Visiting Teaching Emergency Services

Fast Sunday Seven Course Meal Chewing Gum

CTR Ring-Shaped Swimming Pools

Basketball Referee Boot Camps

Triple Combination TV/CellPhone/Soda Scripture Bags

Never-Fail Sabbath Day Shopping Disguises

Young Men/Young Women’s Bathroom Detector Security Cameras

Life-Size Primary Teacher Substitute Cardboard Figures

Anti-Infectious/Waterproof Nursery Leader Uniforms (mask and gloves included)